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Conversations with the Books on my Shelf
MEET THE AUTHOR BEHIND 'YOU WIN WHEN YOU DON'T PLAY' SHARMILA SENGUPTA
Q1. Please introduce yourself.
Hi! I’m an author and a baker, and both of these passions mean the world to me. I find joy in losing myself in the magic of storytelling, crafting characters and worlds that invite readers to escape, dream, and feel deeply. My book, You Win When You Don’t Play, is born from my belief in patience, strategic thinking, and staying true to oneself — lessons I love sharing through my words. When I’m not writing, you’ll find me in the kitchen, baking something sweet and comforting. There’s a special kind of happiness in mixing ingredients and creating delicious treats from scratch — it’s my way of spreading warmth and joy to those around me. Balancing storytelling and baking keeps my life rich and fulfilling. I’m grateful for the opportunity to share both these passions with others and to inspire others to find their own paths to happiness and success.
Q2. What inspired the title You Win When You Don’t Play? Has there been a particular moment that made you realise the importance of “not playing” certain battles?
The title You Win When You Don’t Play comes from a very personal place. There was a moment in my life when I realized that sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is to choose not to engage in every battle that comes your way. It’s about recognizing that not every disagreement or challenge is worth your energy or peace of mind. I remember a particular time when I was feeling overwhelmed trying to prove myself or defend every point. But then, I decided to step back and let some things go. That choice brought a sense of calm and clarity I hadn’t experienced before. I realized that by not playing certain games, I was actually winning — I was preserving my peace, my strength, and my happiness. That experience deeply inspired the core message of my book: sometimes, true victory is found in knowing when to walk away. It’s a gentle reminder to be kind to ourselves and trust that sometimes, the best way to win is simply to choose not to play certain battles at all.
Q3. Your book challenges the hustle culture and drain out from constant demand of productivity. Why do you think this message is especially relevant today?
In today’s world, it often feels like we’re being encouraged to do more, achieve more, and never really stop to breathe. The constant buzz of being “always busy,” the pressure to be “on” all the time, and the unspoken message that our worth is tied to how much we can accomplish can be overwhelming. But I truly believe that this relentless pace can slowly drain us of our strength, joy, and even our health. More and more, I see people beginning to realize how essential it is to slow down, set gentle boundaries, and nurture themselves. Because real resilience and creativity come from a place of balance, not exhaustion. In a world where burnout has become all too common, I want to remind you that sometimes, the bravest and kindest act you can do for yourself is to pause, take a deep breath, and let go of the need to do everything perfectly or prove yourself constantly. True strength lies in knowing when to step back, in prioritizing what truly matters, and in being gentle with yourself along the way. Remember, you don’t have to chase after every demand — sometimes, the most courageous thing you can do is simply pause and give yourself permission to rest.
Q4. In a world that glorifies overachievement, how can people reconnect with their inner calm without feeling unproductive?
The truth is, taking time to pause and nurture yourself isn’t unproductive at all; in fact, it’s essential for truly thriving and feeling whole. To reconnect with your inner calm, start by gently giving yourself permission to slow down. It can be as simple as taking a few deep, soothing breaths, spending a quiet moment in nature, or dedicating time to activities that feed your soul—like journaling, listening to your favorite music, or practicing a gentle mindfulness. Remember, rest and reflection aren’t signs of weakness or laziness—they’re vital acts of caring for yourself, helping you recharge, gain clarity, and spark creativity. Try to see self-care as a sign of strength. When you allow yourself to step back from the endless hustle, you create space for genuine insight, renewed energy, and a deeper sense of peace. Overachievement may bring quick wins, but true fulfillment blossoms from finding balance—honoring your need for peace, connection, and stillness. So, give yourself grace and permission to take that break. Reconnecting with your inner calm isn’t about doing less; it’s about doing what truly nurtures your well-being. In those quiet, gentle moments, you’ll discover a renewed purpose and strength—more enduring than any busyness or achievement.
Q5. In this book, you repeatedly encourage your readers to redefine some conventionally desirable behaviors like being the 'fixer', the planner, and the overachiever who isn't at peace despite doing all the right things. Do you think that it will be difficult for people to change their mindset, given that such values have been deeply ingrained in their mindset?
That's a very thoughtful question. I truly believe that shifting deeply ingrained mindsets can be challenging, especially when certain behaviors like being the fixer, the planner, or the overachiever have been so strongly reinforced as desirable. These patterns often feel like a part of who we are or how we survive in the world, so changing them takes patience, kindness, and gentle persistence. That said, I also believe that awareness is the most important first step. When people begin to see the limits or even the toll of constantly striving without finding peace, they open themselves to transformation. Small, compassionate changes—like redefining success, practicing self-love, and allowing space for stillness—can gradually reshape their beliefs and actions. I see this as a heartfelt journey rather than a quick fix. It’s about creating new stories of fulfillment and resilience that feel authentic and nourishing. With openness, patience, and gentle support, I truly believe that even the deepest patterns can evolve over time. The path to a more peaceful, balanced life is always possible, one loving step at a time.
Q6. Your book has a very reflective and compassionate tone. How do you approach the balance between vulnerability and guidance in your writing?
Thank you so much for your heartfelt words. I truly believe that the most meaningful writing comes from a place of genuine honesty and warmth. When I sit down to write, I try to open my heart fully, sharing my own reflections and struggles with tenderness. My hope is that readers feel seen, understood, and comforted—that they realize they’re not alone in their feelings. At the same time, I see my role as a gentle guide rather than someone offering quick solutions. I want my words to create a safe space for reflection, encouraging readers to listen to their own inner voice and trust their own timing. It’s about walking alongside them with kindness and compassion, offering gentle nudges rather than directives. Finding that delicate balance between vulnerability and guidance feels like a warm embrace—being open enough to connect deeply, while respecting each person’s unique journey. My wish is that the words feel like a comforting conversation, nurturing hope and self-love, and helping each reader feel cherished and supported as they move through their own beautiful path of growth and healing.
Q7. How long did it take you to write You Win When You Don’t Play, and what part of the process surprised you most?
Writing You Win When You Don’t Play was a journey that unfolded over several months. It was a process of exploration and reflection, allowing ideas to evolve naturally and giving myself the space to listen deeply to what wanted to be shared. I approached it with patience and an open heart, knowing that sometimes the most meaningful insights take time to find their voice. What surprised me most during the process was how much I learned from my own writing. There were moments when a simple paragraph or phrase revealed a deeper truth I hadn’t fully understood before. It’s often in the act of putting words on paper that clarity emerges, and I found myself continually amazed at how the writing process became a pathway for self-discovery. That unexpected gift of insight kept me inspired and grateful throughout the journey.
Q8. If you could sit down with one of your readers over a cup of tea, what advice would you give them that isn’t already in the book?
I’d gently share this with you: learning to say ‘no’ can be one of the most freeing and kindest gifts you give yourself. It’s so easy to fall into the habit of saying ‘yes’ — out of kindness, a desire to help, or because you want to keep the peace. But every time you say ‘yes’ when your heart really wants to say ‘no,’ you’re quietly giving away a little piece of your time, your energy, and your sense of peace. Remember, saying ‘no’ with kindness and confidence is a beautiful act of self-care. It’s about honoring your needs, your dreams, and your boundaries. When you choose to say ‘no,’ you’re making room for the things that truly matter to you — your passions, your well-being, and your growth. And please know, saying ‘no’ isn’t selfish; it’s honest. It’s a gentle gift you give to yourself and to those around you. So don’t be afraid to set those soft, loving boundaries — your future self will thank you for it. By embracing the power of ‘no,’ you’re taking a step toward living more genuinely, with clarity and warmth — both for yourself and for others. Trust your instincts, listen to your heart, and remember that every ‘no’ is a quiet act of love, guiding you toward a more peaceful, balanced, and joyful life. And when you say ‘yes,’ let it be because it truly aligns with what makes your heart happy. You deserve that kindness, that respect — from yourself and from the world around you.
Q9. If you could describe your book in just one sentence to someone who feels completely overwhelmed by life, what would you say?
This book is my gentle hug to you, a reminder that even on the toughest days, you are stronger than you realize and never alone. I hope it brings you comfort, hope, and a little peace in your heart.
Q10. Has writing this book changed you as a writer and a person?
It’s been a heartfelt journey that helped me grow both as a writer and as a person. I found myself more patient, more understanding, and more connected to my own feelings and stories. It’s like I poured a little piece of my soul into these pages, and through that, I’ve learned so much about myself and the power of sharing our truth. It’s been a beautiful, sometimes challenging, but ultimately enriching experience.
