YOU'VE REACHED SAM BY DUSTIN THAO: REFLECTIONS ON THE ANALOGY OF GRIEF AND GLITTER

Seventeen-year-old Julie has her future all planned out—move out of her small town with her boyfriend Sam, attend college in the city, spend a summer in Japan. But then Sam dies. And everything changes.

Heartbroken, Julie skips his funeral, throws out his things, and tries everything to forget him and the tragic way he died. But a message Sam left behind in her yearbook forces back memories. Desperate to hear his voice one more time, Julie calls Sam’s cellphone just to listen to his voicemail.

And Sam picks up the phone.

In a miraculous turn of events, Julie’s been given a second chance at goodbye. The connection is temporary. But hearing Sam’s voice makes her fall for him all over again, and with each call it becomes harder to let him go. However, keeping her otherworldly calls with Sam a secret isn’t easy, especially when Julie witnesses the suffering Sam’s family is going through. Unable to stand by the sidelines and watch their shared loved ones in pain, Julie is torn between spilling the truth about her calls with Sam and risking their connection and losing him forever.

Grab your tissues everyone, because this is going to be a ride.

"Grief is like glitter. You can throw a handful of glitter up in the air, but when you try to clean it up… you never get it all. Even long after the event, you will still find glitter tucked into corners… it will always be there. Somewhere". — by Kevin Pádraig.

See grief, it's just like glitter

It's hard to brush away

Bright light and it still shimmers

Like it was yesterday

And it falls like confetti

All of the memories explode like a hand grenade

And it's sweet and it's bitter

Grief, it's like glitter

Oh, what a mess it makes

What a mess it makes (Patrick Droney,2020)

While reading this book and thinking about the review, I thought, 'What analogy can best describe the way this novel tackles grief?' After all, everyone has their own interpretations, as grief manifests in different ways for different people. While some people see it as a ball in a jar, while others see it as a circular staircase. However, I came to understand that the most realistic way to view grief is like confetti and glitter that, once spilled, creates a mess in our minds and homes. Thao's novel works like a healing tonic for characters and readers alike, as he uses fantasy to comfort and highlight the value of preserving memories to keep loved ones alive.

The protagonist of this novel, Julie Clarke finds herself in a similar situation after her boyfriend Sam dies in a tragic accident. But instead of letting grief fester in her heart, she decides to avoid it altogether. She throws away all belongings that could remind her of him and chooses not to attend his funeral, contact his parents and visit his tomb. But one day, a message from Sam in her school yearbook overwhelms her with guilt as she realises that she has been trying to erase Sam from her life like he is some bad memory. Struggling to cope with this, she makes a desperate call to Sam's phone, only for him to answer.

While Sam and Julie's journey is driven by miracles and fantasy, it is also deeply rooted in the raw and authentic nature of grief. And that reality is quite messy as she takes longer to mourn and ome to term with Sam's death. Her friends and peers call her out for her behaviour, and while at first I felt bad for her as a reader, but when she struggled to take control of her life after reconnecting with Sam, her attachment became a problem. Funerals and vigils are meant to celebrate life and bid farewell to those who are no longer with us, but Julie does't get to experience that. Instead, Julie's coping mechanism swings between avoidance and attachment. When she tries to avoid Sam, she makes sure that she has nothing to remember him by, and when she magically gets him back, she's unable to focus on her real life as her mind remains trapped in a perpetual cycle of mourning the Sam who died and loving the Sam she can connect with.

This story does not delve into the technicalities of their connection, as it doesn't change the emotional crux of the story despite being a major turning point. The glitter analogy is relevant to this story as it follows Julie as she unsuccessfully tries to return to normalcy after reconnecting with Sam. The grief doesn't disappear just because she can talk to him again. It manifests itself in the form of dreams, nightmares and songs as she revisits some fond memories with Sam throughout the book. This becomes evident through the book's structure, as the narrative shifts and transitions from one memory to another. These memories, akin to glitter, stay with her, trapped in corners of her mind, until her mysterious connection helps her see some beauty again in what are now melancholic memories.

Gen Z teenagers are already quite notorious for wearing their heart on their sleeve and making emotional decisions after breakups, but what can one do when they lose their loved ones to death? Especially when someone feels partially responsible for creating circumstances that lead to the loved one's death. The truth is, there is no right answer for that. You can indulge in socially acceptable behaviour by attending events and taking flowers to the burial site, or you could just delay accepting the loss. In both cases, grief works like glitter. And it is evident through the different characters in the story. Sam's best friend Oliver and best cousin, Mika, also go through a hard time mourning their friend. Mika holds a vigil to celebrate his life, Oliver tries to bond with Julie out of the shared sense of loss, and both Mika and Oliver attend his funeral to get closure. Julie, Mika and Oliver choose to grieve in different ways, yet their sorrow keeps on slipping back into their lives like scattered confetti.

At its core, 'You've Reached Sam' is a touching exploration of grief and love. People grieve hard when they harbour immense love in their hearts for the ones they lose. But the ones left behind need to let go of their sorrow to move on with their lives without the person who will never come back. The ending of this novel is bittersweet, yet satisfying. It might leave you with tears, but it will feel a bit optimistic and uplifting in the best way possible.

(Note: I would not recommend this story to someone who has recently lost someone or struggles with a similar grief in past.)

Heartbreaking, romantic and hopeful, I would like to give this novel a rating of 5 out of 5.